


to keep the light on, honey, is the least that i can do

by timetoboldlygo



Series: bodhicassian week [1]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: M/M, mentions of a panic attack but nothing at all graphic, mostly bodhi doesn't want to be alone and cassian doesn't let him, some nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-15 22:26:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11240538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timetoboldlygo/pseuds/timetoboldlygo
Summary: The idea of being alone in the medcenter is absolutely horrifying to Bodhi. Cassian ... well, Cassian helps.





	to keep the light on, honey, is the least that i can do

**Author's Note:**

> so i wrote this for bodhicassian week and frankly, i'm not even sure i like it that much, but i promised i would post every day so here it is! the title is from "running back to you" by for the foxes

Cassian’s bed was next to Bodhi’s in the medcenter. They both had beds facing the window with ugly sheets, they both were subjected to nurses coming in at all hours, they both were in pain. The similarities stopped there, though. It was the differences that rankled.

Namely, that Cassian was supposed to leave the medcenter later today, and Bodhi wouldn’t be able to leave for another week.

“I want to leave too,” Bodhi muttered selfishly. Currently, he was teaching Cassian how to play sabacc. Cassian was sitting on the foot of his bed, with his leg stretched out because it still hurt a little to sit cross-legged, even if the nurses promised he would heal without complications.

“You have to heal,” Cassian said, well aware that he had heard these words a thousand times in his life and hated hearing them every single time. He’d never had someone to say it to before this, but now Bodhi healing properly was of utmost importance.

“I don’t know how to sit still for that long,” Bodhi protested. Out of habit, his hand drifted to his head, wanting to run through his hair, but he didn’t have any hair at the moment. He had several thick healing scars and his head would probably be shaved every day until the nurses were satisfied that they were healed.

Cassian raised an eyebrow. “You sit still for that long on cargo runs.”

Bodhi made a face at him. “I hate you,” he said petulantly, crossing his arms. Slowly, because the left one was still covered in bacta patches and bandages.

“I’ll bring you good food from the mess hall,” Cassian promised. He himself was looking forward to leaving, if only so he could get out of the stupid medcenter gown. He wasn’t cleared for duty, though, so he suspected that he’d be back to keep Bodhi company.

He already found that he couldn’t refuse Bodhi anything.

“But I’ll be _alone_ ,” Bodhi said rather dramatically.

“I’ll come visit you all the time,” Cassian promised, which at least made the uneasy look on Bodhi’s face fade. He didn’t understand it – surely Bodhi had been alone all the time on his cargo runs. Maybe medical centers scared him. Maybe it was the concept of the rebel base, of which he knew nothing and no one, besides the nurses and Cassian himself.

\----------

Cassian’s quarters were just as he left them, and he relished his private fresher as he finally got to scrub off six days worth of grime and wash his hair. He was no stranger to grime, but it was different when it was hospital grime.

Then he was clean and his bed was there and so inviting, after being stuck in the medical center with all the beeping machines and blinking lights. It was dark in here.. He still wasn’t cleared for duty which meant he could sleep as late as he wanted. It was a very enticing thought. He was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

A ring at his door eventually woke him up, his chrono reading 0200. “What’s goin on,” Cassian mumbled, moving blearily towards the door. He stubbed his toe on the desk in the dark and hopped around for a few seconds before he got the stupid door open.

It was a medical droid. “Bodhi Rook is having a panic attack,” they said. “The nurses subdued him but he was delirious and kept calling out for you.”

I’ll be right there,” Cassian said, turning around only to shove his feet into a pair of boots. The walk to the medcenter was short enough, but felt like ages.

“Captain,” one of the nurses said when he walked in.

“What happened?” Cassian demanded. Through the window, he could just barely make out the outline of Bodhi sitting up, knees drawn close to his chest and head down. Every so often, a little blue light would illuminate him.

The nurse shook her head. “He had a panic attack,” she said. “We helped him through it but – he wasn’t much aware of what was going on. He wanted you.”

Cassian didn’t say good-bye to her, which was probably incredibly rude, but Bodhi was there and Bodhi needed him. It was cool and dark – otherworldly – in the medcenter. “Hey,” Cassian said quietly, so as not to startle Bodhi. Bodhi jerked his head up anyways.

“I didn’t mean for them to call you,” Bodhi said anxiously. “They woke you up, didn’t they, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Cassian said, easing his way onto the bed. He carefully put his arm around Bodhi’s tense shoulders. “I’m here.”

Bodhi was trembling.

“I’m sorry,” Bodhi moaned. “I woke up and got scared, it was stupid, please go back to bed.”

“I’ll stay,” Cassian said. “I fell asleep right after I got out of the medbay, I’m fine. You go to sleep.”

“I don’t want to be alone,” Bodhi whispered. It was exactly what he’d said earlier, but Cassian was stupid and clearly hadn’t be listening. Bodhi had hidden it with a joke. Cassian should have known better. He shouldn’t have left Bodhi alone, so soon after Jedha and Scarif. Bodhi _needed_ someone.

“I’m not leaving,” Cassian said. “I promise.”

It was a little uncomfortable on the small medcenter bed, but Bodhi slowly stopped trembling, so Cassian wasn’t about to move. He’d stay forever. He didn’t leave as Bodhi slid down and got comfortable, didn’t leave even as Bodhi’s breathed even out and he was clearly asleep.

In the morning, he had a crick in his neck and was tired as hell, but he didn’t regret it. Bodhi could tell, though, because he said sorry about another hundred times and then tried, unsuccessfully, to tell Cassian that he was fine and Cassian could leave.

Cassian didn’t. He hadn’t expected to spend his first day out of the medcenter back in the medcenter, but he wasn’t leaving, no matter how many times Bodhi half-heartedly told him he was okay. It was obvious that Bodhi wanted him to stay. So he did.

“At least sleep in the other bed or something,” Bodhi said, as Cassian was settling into the visitor’s chair.

“I think that’s not allowed,” Cassian said, even though he really had no clue. He just wanted to be closer to Bodhi. “Besides, I have some work to do.” He held up his datapad, in which he _did_ have work to. The only work that could be done when he was off-duty: paperwork.

“Okay,” Bodhi said as the lights dimmed, eventually encasing them both in darkness. “But I’m okay.”

“I know,” Cassian said. “I just want to make sure.”

\--------

Cassian wasn’t even asleep when Bodhi woke up again from nightmares. He did it very quietly – there was a sharp gasp, but nothing else. No wonder he hadn’t woken Cassian up the past few nights, he was almost completely silent. “Bodhi?” Cassian whispered quietly.

Another gasp, this time softer. “You’re still here,” Bodhi said, and then his hand was groping around in the darkness, trying to find Cassian’s. His hand was so hot.

“I’m still here,” Cassian said. He didn’t really know what to do if Bodhi had another panic attack, besides get a nurse, but just by the virtue of him being there, Bodhi seemed to be doing okay.

“When I woke up these past few nights, I would be able to hear your breathing,” Bodhi whispered. “So I knew I wasn’t alone. But last night – I was. I was alone. I didn’t handle it well.”

“It’s okay,” Cassian said. “Go back to sleep, Bodhi, you need it. I’ll be here.”

“Okay,” Bodhi said, and it didn’t take long for him to slip back into unconsciousness. Cassian didn’t let go of his hand.

 --------

Cassian woke up painfully. He had a crick in his neck from where he’d fallen asleep, head down, on Bodhi’s bed and his arm ached because he’d held Bodhi’s hand all night.  He groaned as he sat up.

Bodhi was looking at him, eyes narrowed. “Why are you here, Cassian,” he said tiredly. “Don’t tell me it’s out of the goodness of your heart or something disgusting like that.”

Cassian wished he could brush his teeth before this conversation but it didn’t seem much like an option. “That’s not it.”

“Then what?”

Cassian leaned in, very carefully, and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to Bodhi’s lips. “That’s why,” he said slowly. He took in Bodhi’s wide eyes and shocked face and hoped that he hadn’t just ruined everything. Possibly he should have waited until Bodhi was at least having less nightmares.

Bodhi managed to pull himself together long enough to say, “What, you saw that I was an absolute wreck and that was hot to you?”

“It made me realize how much I care about you,” Cassian said truthfully. The kind of fear he’d felt when the medical droid showed up his door was something he’d never felt before. “I have a lot of problems too, Bodhi, but I want them to work them out together.” He hoped Bodhi saw the sincerity in his eyes.

Maybe Bodhi did. “Okay,” he said, all the tension going out of his shoulders. He gave Cassian a soft smile. “Alright. Kiss me again.”

“Bossy,” Cassian teased, but he leaned in again. This time, Bodhi met him eagerly, even though he wasn’t supposed to be moving so much. His hand was hot on Cassian’s jaw, and Cassian could tell through the kiss that he was still grinning.

Bodhi groaned as Cassian bit his lip. “It’s not fair that you’re making out with me and I’m still so weak I can’t even grab your ass.” This made Cassian laugh, head thrown back in a way he hadn’t done in years.

“There’s time,” Cassian assured him. Bodhi was flushed and grinning. “We have time.”

“Okay,” Bodhi agreed slowly. “Stay?”

“Always,” Cassian reassured him.


End file.
